Table Of Contents
Foreword by Benedict Groeschel, C.F.R.	ix
Chapter One:
We Were Made for Love	1
Some initial thoughts	1
The God who is Love made us in his image	5
How are people united?	8
The different ways we use the word "love"	10
Emotional love vs. Intentional love	12
What is behind emotional love	13
"Need love"	14
"Appreciative love"	15
"Gift love"	16
What is behind intentional love	17
Intentional love arising from a sense of duty	18
Intentional love arising from the desire to be	21
and become more
Love as "acceptance"	22
Why people stay together	23
Fulfilling the duties of a relationship	24
Fulfilling people's hope	26
Questions for philosophical consideration and	29
personal growth
Chapter Two:
A First Look at Friendship	31
Some things that look like friendship	31
but are not
The people who "happen to be in our lives"	33
Companionship	34
From antiquity to modern times -	37
Six authors' thoughts on friendship
Aristotle - the importance of virtue	38
Cicero - loyalty sprung from virtue and	40
mutual agreement
St. Augustine - God's love perfects and	41
transforms our friendships
St. Aelred of Rievaulx - distinguishing	43
real from false friendships
Michel de Montaigne-the experience of union	45
C.S. Lewis-friends are joined by a	46
common interest
Recurring themes	48
Questions for philosophical consideration	51
and personal growth
Chapter Three:
The Love that is Friendship	53
A popular topic	53
What genuine friends pursue when	54
pursuing friendship
What makes people friends?	56
Friends let each other into their personal life,	58
creating the experience of intimacy
The importance of character strength and virtue	59
People differ in their capacity for friendship	60
Jared and Ray	61
Dustin, Molly, and Jennifer	64
Virtue by itself is not friendship	65
Friends are mutually interested in each other	67
Friends have things they enjoy doing together	72
The commitment of genuine friendship prepares	75
one for marriage
What kind of a friend or spouse am I?	77
How do I relate in a given relationship?	78
Relationships take time to develop	81
The Initiating Phase	82
The Deepening Phase	82
The Abiding Phase	84
Questions for philosophical consideration and	86
personal growth
Chapter Four:
Friendship Experienced as a Culture of Love	89
How friendship is experienced: A culture is	89
created-a culture of love
Effectively communicating our love	92
The different levels of friendship	93
The sympathy of friendship	95
The "Four Loves"	95
Affection	99
Eros	100
Friendship	100
Charity	101
How the different loves relate to one another	102
Affection and friendship	103
Affection, friendship, and charity	105
Eros, affection, friendship, and charity	106
Creating a culture of love includes generously	109
giving the gift of ourselves
Experiencing generosity and the effect it has	110
on us
The benefit that comes to us when we see	113
generosity in others
Friendships between men and women	114
Male-Female interaction in general	115
Discerning an ethic	116
Friendship and evangelization	118
Questions for philosophical consideration and	121
personal growth
Chapter Five:
The Intimacy of Friendship	125
What is intimacy?	125
How does intimacy develop?	128
Nobility of life is required for intimacy	134
Honesty	135
Loyalty	136
Sharing each others' sorrows and joys	137
The pursuit of generous loving is more of a	138
process than a goal
Six college seniors - an illustration	138
Increased self-understanding increases the	144
capacity for intimacy
Questions for philosophical consideration and	149
personal growth
Chapter Six:
Intimacy between Men and Women	151
The love between the sexes	151
Love creates expectations	152
Real love is more than a feeling	154
The developing relationship - from dating	155
to marriage
Alex and Bonnie: a relationship between high	156
school students
Sherry and Vince: a serious relationship	158
between two people in college
Brooklyn and Cooper: an engaged couple	162
Communicating our love	163
Through things that are said and the way they	164
are received
By the way people look at each other	164
Through touching	164
Through sharing meals together	164
Through the making and keeping of promises	165
and commitments
Through giving gifts and loving deeds	165
Through spending quality time with each other	165
Through doing things together	165
uniqueness of sexual intimacy and its	166
connection with marriage
The language of the body	167
What is meant by lust?	170
Couples considering marriage need a common	174
vision of life
Communicating and experiencing marital love	178
Kevin and Madelyn: a married couple with	178
young children
Keith and Sylvia: marriage in the later years	180
A multifaceted diamond	183
Questions for philosophical consideration and	185
personal growth
Chapter Seven:
Intimate Friendship with God	187
The God who made us and redeemed us also	187
desires our friendship
Friendship with God is similar to, and different	189
from other intimate relationships
Mutual interest in one another	191
Virtue and character strength	191
Favorite things done together	192
Communicating our intimate love for God	194
Through things that are said	194
By the way we look at each other	194
Through touching	195
Through sharing meals together	195
Through the making and keeping of	195
promises and commitments
Through giving gifts and loving deeds	196
Through spending quality time with each other	196
Through doing things together	196
Modeling our life on the Paschal Mystery	197
The effect God's friendship has on our life	201
Father Walter J. Ciszek: abandonment to	202
the Will of God - in the Gulag
Experiencing intimacy with God	205
Mount Tabor and the Transfiguration	206
Mother Teresa of Calcutta: Her experience	207
of the "dark night of the soul"
Pressing the issue and drawing some	209
conclusions
Questions for philosophical consideration and	212
personal growth
Chapter Eight:
Putting It All Together	215
The loves "learn" from each other	215
What hinders us from loving heroically?	216
The "divorce mentality"	218
Tools for generous (and even heroic) loving	219
Virtuous living in general	219
Forgiveness	221
Loving well requires effort on our part	224
One last look	225
Making and keeping friends	225
Happy marriage	227
Developing a friendship with God	229
Intimacy in the Kingdom of Heaven	230
Questions for philosophical consideration	234
and personal growth
Endnotes	235
Index	239