Genuine Friendship
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Table Of Contents
Foreword by Benedict Groeschel, C.F.R. ix
 
Chapter One:  
We Were Made for Love 1
Some initial thoughts 1
The God who is Love made us in his image 5
How are people united? 8
The different ways we use the word "love" 10
Emotional love vs. Intentional love 12
What is behind emotional love 13
"Need love" 14
"Appreciative love" 15
"Gift love" 16
What is behind intentional love 17
Intentional love arising from a sense of duty 18
Intentional love arising from the desire to be 21
   and become more  
Love as "acceptance" 22
Why people stay together 23
Fulfilling the duties of a relationship 24
Fulfilling people's hope 26
Questions for philosophical consideration and 29
      personal growth  
     
Chapter Two:  
A First Look at Friendship 31
Some things that look like friendship 31
      but are not  
The people who "happen to be in our lives" 33
Companionship 34
From antiquity to modern times - 37
      Six authors' thoughts on friendship  
Aristotle - the importance of virtue 38
Cicero - loyalty sprung from virtue and 40
      mutual agreement  
St. Augustine - God's love perfects and 41
      transforms our friendships  
St. Aelred of Rievaulx - distinguishing 43
   real from false friendships  
Michel de Montaigne-the experience of union 45
C.S. Lewis-friends are joined by a 46
   common interest  
Recurring themes 48
Questions for philosophical consideration 51
   and personal growth  
     
Chapter Three:  
The Love that is Friendship 53
A popular topic 53
What genuine friends pursue when 54
   pursuing friendship  
What makes people friends? 56
Friends let each other into their personal life, 58
   creating the experience of intimacy  
The importance of character strength and virtue 59
People differ in their capacity for friendship 60
Jared and Ray 61
Dustin, Molly, and Jennifer 64
Virtue by itself is not friendship 65
Friends are mutually interested in each other 67
Friends have things they enjoy doing together 72
The commitment of genuine friendship prepares 75
   one for marriage  
What kind of a friend or spouse am I? 77
How do I relate in a given relationship? 78
Relationships take time to develop 81
The Initiating Phase 82
The Deepening Phase 82
The Abiding Phase 84
Questions for philosophical consideration and 86
   personal growth  
     
Chapter Four:  
Friendship Experienced as a Culture of Love 89
How friendship is experienced: A culture is 89
   created-a culture of love  
Effectively communicating our love 92
The different levels of friendship 93
The sympathy of friendship 95
The "Four Loves" 95
Affection 99
Eros 100
Friendship 100
Charity 101
How the different loves relate to one another 102
Affection and friendship 103
Affection, friendship, and charity 105
Eros, affection, friendship, and charity 106
Creating a culture of love includes generously 109
   giving the gift of ourselves  
Experiencing generosity and the effect it has 110
   on us  
The benefit that comes to us when we see 113
   generosity in others  
Friendships between men and women 114
Male-Female interaction in general 115
Discerning an ethic 116
Friendship and evangelization 118
Questions for philosophical consideration and 121
   personal growth  
     
Chapter Five:  
The Intimacy of Friendship 125
What is intimacy? 125
How does intimacy develop? 128
Nobility of life is required for intimacy 134
Honesty 135
Loyalty 136
Sharing each others' sorrows and joys 137
The pursuit of generous loving is more of a 138
   process than a goal  
Six college seniors - an illustration 138
Increased self-understanding increases the 144
   capacity for intimacy  
Questions for philosophical consideration and 149
   personal growth  
     
Chapter Six:  
Intimacy between Men and Women 151
The love between the sexes 151
Love creates expectations 152
Real love is more than a feeling 154
The developing relationship - from dating 155
   to marriage  
Alex and Bonnie: a relationship between high 156
   school students  
Sherry and Vince: a serious relationship 158
   between two people in college  
Brooklyn and Cooper: an engaged couple 162
Communicating our love 163
Through things that are said and the way they 164
   are received  
By the way people look at each other 164
Through touching 164
Through sharing meals together 164
Through the making and keeping of promises 165
   and commitments  
Through giving gifts and loving deeds 165
Through spending quality time with each other 165
Through doing things together 165
uniqueness of sexual intimacy and its 166
   connection with marriage  
The language of the body 167
What is meant by lust? 170
Couples considering marriage need a common 174
   vision of life  
Communicating and experiencing marital love 178
Kevin and Madelyn: a married couple with 178
   young children  
Keith and Sylvia: marriage in the later years 180
A multifaceted diamond 183
Questions for philosophical consideration and 185
   personal growth  
     
Chapter Seven:  
Intimate Friendship with God 187
The God who made us and redeemed us also 187
   desires our friendship  
Friendship with God is similar to, and different 189
   from other intimate relationships  
Mutual interest in one another 191
Virtue and character strength 191
Favorite things done together 192
Communicating our intimate love for God 194
Through things that are said 194
By the way we look at each other 194
Through touching 195
Through sharing meals together 195
Through the making and keeping of 195
   promises and commitments  
Through giving gifts and loving deeds 196
Through spending quality time with each other 196
Through doing things together 196
Modeling our life on the Paschal Mystery 197
The effect God's friendship has on our life 201
Father Walter J. Ciszek: abandonment to 202
   the Will of God - in the Gulag  
Experiencing intimacy with God 205
Mount Tabor and the Transfiguration 206
Mother Teresa of Calcutta: Her experience 207
   of the "dark night of the soul"  
Pressing the issue and drawing some 209
   conclusions  
Questions for philosophical consideration and 212
   personal growth  
     
Chapter Eight:  
Putting It All Together 215
The loves "learn" from each other 215
What hinders us from loving heroically? 216
The "divorce mentality" 218
Tools for generous (and even heroic) loving 219
Virtuous living in general 219
Forgiveness 221
Loving well requires effort on our part 224
One last look 225
Making and keeping friends 225
Happy marriage 227
Developing a friendship with God 229
Intimacy in the Kingdom of Heaven 230
Questions for philosophical consideration 234
   and personal growth  
     
Endnotes 235
     
Index 239
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